Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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