Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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