Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
