You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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