Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
