I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
