All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize