How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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