my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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