The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
