you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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