They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
