Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
