So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
