She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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