haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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