I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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