someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
