My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it was like eating out sand paper
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
