She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
