Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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