You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
