My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
