part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
