So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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