I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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