I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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