my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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