If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
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Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
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Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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