Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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