fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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