They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
