We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
