You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
