I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
