Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
