Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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