You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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