my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
