I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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