saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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