Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
