How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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