It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
