I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
