just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
