I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The ass gains better be worth it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
