The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
