he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
