i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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