Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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