Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
