Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
