I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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