I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
