In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
