Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
