Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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