He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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