well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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