haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
