I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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