so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
