vagina is talking i cant
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
