hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
