I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
